I am feeling much better now.

Remember that line? It comes at a critical moment in The Sixth Sense after the young ghost throws up in Cole's tent. It's the first ghost Cole realizes is haunting him because she needs help.

So the post that I posted prior to this entry is something that I wrote more than 2 years ago. Obviously the experience was much too "fresh" to warrant posting at the time.

But I am feeling much better now. Time can heal that way.

Conversely to what I was feeling then, this past year has been one of the best years of my life. I started running again. I recruited a new running partner. I found that I needed both running and this friend because I really needed a friend, and this friend is exactly the friend I needed. I convinced her to run a half-marathon last fall (her first race ever). AND I got to sing with Willie Nelson at Farm Aid in September with my church choir. That was cool because 1. it is WILLIE FREAKING NELSON and 2. I had never been to Pennsylvania before.

Of course, not everything has been great. Life is not all giggles and thrills. It is "life" after all.

In fact, I almost started posting again last year at this time, but I had just found out that my oldest brother has cancer, and, well, I didn't feel like writing about that.

I am glad to report that after a bone marrow transplant and chemo, his cancer is in total remission. For now.

All that happened in a year? Hard to imagine. Especially since the two years prior to that were so crappy.

Did I mention that time heals? I am feeling much better now.

Mama always said...

...if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Hence the silence. It's been a healing silence. In fact, I feel so far removed from whatever happened over this last year that the initial shocking pain seems like it happened in a dream or to someone else and I only read about it.

Of course - you know me - I couldn't go through this experience (job loss, "homelessness", third cross country move in the span of 4 years) and not *learn* something from it...so here is a recap:

1. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Actually, I didn't learn that. I just read it in a book recently - Hood by Steven Lawhead - a highly recommended read.

2. Don't ask someone in need "what can I do for you?" or "how are you doing?" Most likely, their world is shattered. It's safe to say it's a shit-fest. The best plan is to think about something you might need if you were in that situation, and then make a plan to fill that need for them.

3. If you live near that person, take them out to lunch or to a concert or to the park or go for a run with them. Heck - just call! They already feel isolated and lost. Any kind of personal connection is like throwing them a lifeline.

4. Don't say "I'm praying for you." It's not that they don't appreciate your spirituality. If they weren't in crisis, it might be more meaningful. Instead see #2 on the list and do that. Sure, they want and need the prayers - it's just that it rings hollow in the moment.

Fire, fire all around...

but not a drop...near our house...yet. Praying the 5 mile buffer will be enough.

Swirling, raging storm
greedily devours all;
windswept hills aglow.

"I don't want to get married."

Really? Why not?

"I just don't."

Don't you want to have a family? You are always talking about how much you love your family.

"Oh, I want to have a baby. I just don't want to have a husband."

But you like Daddy. Don't you think your baby would want to have a wonderful daddy just like your daddy?

"Well, it's just that I don't want a man telling me how to raise my children."

I see...

"I mean, I'm my own person, you know."

Oh, is that what this is all about? Yes. Even at 6 years old, you are definitely that.

craigslist fun

I love reading the craigslist ads - not because I need to buy anything...I just like to see what people sell and for how much. I like to think about responding to ads too. Here are a few random items for sale and the responses I imagine I'd like to send:

Postal Exam Guide - only 5 bucks.

"In regard to your Postal Exam guide, I'd like to know if it really works. No, I'm not really interested in actually taking the exam. I'd just like to be informed of your present anxiety level and whether or not you've been hired by a local post office yet."

Cold Dorm Fridge

"Too bad your fridge is cold. I was really looking for a warm one - something like a microwave..."

Kitchen Plastic

"I see that you are selling 18 PEZ dispensers with your food scale. Is this a package deal?"

Wooden Dummy

"A wooden dummy for only 500 bucks? I do have connections with strong fellows to move it. It looks intriguing - a log with three protruding phallic looking arms, but I am afraid I can't figure out what one would use it for. Looks like I'm the dummy!"

Beautiful Rooster Lamp

"That's an oxymoron."

And the prices they disclose that they originally paid...

"Dear Sir, why would *anyone* pay 1000 dollars for a coffee table that looks like it's a piece of plywood on a chintzy metal frame? I'm sorry that you think you'll unload that thing for 300 dollars. But I feel sorry for you...so would you consider 25?"

"Your entertainment center is lovely, but I can't believe you paid 3,000 dollars for it. Okay - I lied. It's ugly. You overpaid. You'll be lucky if you can give away that piece of crap. You'll probably have to pay someone to take it away. The great thing is you are getting this reality therapy free."

"There is no way in hell you bought that chaise lounge for 9,000 dollars. Is it made of gold? Did it belong to Elvis? Seriously. I wouldn't pay 9,000 dollars for anything unless it has wheels, an engine, and gets great gas mileage. If your chaise does that, you might just have yourself a buyer..."

Here's my entry

"Voices," as inspired by this photo on Clarity of Night for the short fiction contest.



"Don't touch."

"What? Why not?"

"You heard me newbie. Put your hand down."

"Okay - no need to get testy, dude. Putting hand down. Have you always been so bossy? And why are we whispering?"

"I keep us alive."

"Us? There’s more!? Dude, that's friggin' awesome! We’ll have kick-ass parties!"

"Great. Juvenile delinquent. Just what we need."

"Whatever, dude. Sounds like it was a little boring in here before I arrived! Face it. You NEED me!"

"Great. Narcissistic too."

"Narsi-what?!"

"Nevermind. The rules: hands to self, talk low, and speak responsibly."

"So many rules! Why haven’t I heard anyone else speak, BTW?"

"Listen, "dude," shut it for 10 seconds, and someone would have a chance to speak."

"Sorry. It's just so AWESOME! You know he talks TO me! Sometimes he DOES what I SAY!"

"Yes, so you must be careful. We whisper because our voices hold great power."

"Really?!"

"Watch through the eye. 'Get it! Is it sharp enough?!'"

"Dude, wow. He is sharpening it! You didn't even tell him to do that! That's friggin' AWESOME!!"

"Power of suggestion. Whisper."

"Oops - sorry. Will he do bad things?"

"Not all of us speak responsibly; we've spent years silenced in result. We can endure silence, but that's hell for him. He needs us."

"You actually care?”

"After several decades, he grows on you."

"You know, you're a cool old dude.”

"I'll take that as a compliment."

Holy shamoly...

birthday came and went;
no call for poems or haikus -
I am getting old!

Laundry Days

I'm sorry that I forgot to check your pockets before I put the clothes

into the dryer

and for the

Chapstick spots

that are now on

your shirts

and jeans.