Sunday, September 04, 2011

Fire, fire all around...

but not a drop...near our house...yet. Praying the 5 mile buffer will be enough.

Swirling, raging storm
greedily devours all;
windswept hills aglow.

Thursday, September 01, 2011

"I don't want to get married."

Really? Why not?

"I just don't."

Don't you want to have a family? You are always talking about how much you love your family.

"Oh, I want to have a baby. I just don't want to have a husband."

But you like Daddy. Don't you think your baby would want to have a wonderful daddy just like your daddy?

"Well, it's just that I don't want a man telling me how to raise my children."

I see...

"I mean, I'm my own person, you know."

Oh, is that what this is all about? Yes. Even at 6 years old, you are definitely that.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

craigslist fun

I love reading the craigslist ads - not because I need to buy anything...I just like to see what people sell and for how much. I like to think about responding to ads too. Here are a few random items for sale and the responses I imagine I'd like to send:

Postal Exam Guide - only 5 bucks.

"In regard to your Postal Exam guide, I'd like to know if it really works. No, I'm not really interested in actually taking the exam. I'd just like to be informed of your present anxiety level and whether or not you've been hired by a local post office yet."

Cold Dorm Fridge

"Too bad your fridge is cold. I was really looking for a warm one - something like a microwave..."

Kitchen Plastic

"I see that you are selling 18 PEZ dispensers with your food scale. Is this a package deal?"

Wooden Dummy

"A wooden dummy for only 500 bucks? I do have connections with strong fellows to move it. It looks intriguing - a log with three protruding phallic looking arms, but I am afraid I can't figure out what one would use it for. Looks like I'm the dummy!"

Beautiful Rooster Lamp

"That's an oxymoron."

And the prices they disclose that they originally paid...

"Dear Sir, why would *anyone* pay 1000 dollars for a coffee table that looks like it's a piece of plywood on a chintzy metal frame? I'm sorry that you think you'll unload that thing for 300 dollars. But I feel sorry for would you consider 25?"

"Your entertainment center is lovely, but I can't believe you paid 3,000 dollars for it. Okay - I lied. It's ugly. You overpaid. You'll be lucky if you can give away that piece of crap. You'll probably have to pay someone to take it away. The great thing is you are getting this reality therapy free."

"There is no way in hell you bought that chaise lounge for 9,000 dollars. Is it made of gold? Did it belong to Elvis? Seriously. I wouldn't pay 9,000 dollars for anything unless it has wheels, an engine, and gets great gas mileage. If your chaise does that, you might just have yourself a buyer..."

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Here's my entry

"Voices," as inspired by this photo on Clarity of Night for the short fiction contest.

"Don't touch."

"What? Why not?"

"You heard me newbie. Put your hand down."

"Okay - no need to get testy, dude. Putting hand down. Have you always been so bossy? And why are we whispering?"

"I keep us alive."

"Us? There’s more!? Dude, that's friggin' awesome! We’ll have kick-ass parties!"

"Great. Juvenile delinquent. Just what we need."

"Whatever, dude. Sounds like it was a little boring in here before I arrived! Face it. You NEED me!"

"Great. Narcissistic too."


"Nevermind. The rules: hands to self, talk low, and speak responsibly."

"So many rules! Why haven’t I heard anyone else speak, BTW?"

"Listen, "dude," shut it for 10 seconds, and someone would have a chance to speak."

"Sorry. It's just so AWESOME! You know he talks TO me! Sometimes he DOES what I SAY!"

"Yes, so you must be careful. We whisper because our voices hold great power."


"Watch through the eye. 'Get it! Is it sharp enough?!'"

"Dude, wow. He is sharpening it! You didn't even tell him to do that! That's friggin' AWESOME!!"

"Power of suggestion. Whisper."

"Oops - sorry. Will he do bad things?"

"Not all of us speak responsibly; we've spent years silenced in result. We can endure silence, but that's hell for him. He needs us."

"You actually care?”

"After several decades, he grows on you."

"You know, you're a cool old dude.”

"I'll take that as a compliment."

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Holy shamoly...

birthday came and went;
no call for poems or haikus -
I am getting old!