Friday, June 15, 2007

Fiction Friday: an offer unrefused

There is no time like the present to begin practicing... I have to admit that I did edit a little. And I spent a little more than 5 min. on these few paragraphs. What can I say - I'm rusty. Also, I have to take advantage of nap time. :)

This week's theme: Write a story/poem beginning with this line: No one refused her offer.

“…No one refused her offerrrr…” crooned the rich twangy voice as it brushed over the melodic fiddle, guitar, and bass canvas – a song painted in the same fashion that familiar old-time country tunes were.

Darkness hardly diluted the hot sticky air. Still 90 at 9:30 PM. But driving with the top down on the Jeep brought some relief. In the morning, El Paso, and then she would cross over into New Mexico. It still amazed her that she would have to drive all night long just to get to El Paso from Flatonia! Texas is big. She would never dream of driving that leg of the trip during the day, though. July heat during the day is unbearable – especially out in the middle of nowhere on I-10.

“Fearful and broken; it’s a lonesome trade….” She turned up the radio to break the constant drone from driving on the open road.

How did she ever end up in Flatonia, of all places? “Destination Flatonia: Where all roads lead.” What a joke for a town slogan. If all roads lead to Flatonia, then why has its population only grown by 353 since 1950? People come to Flatonia, but people don’t stay in Flatonia, she mused.

And now the population would be minus one. Make that two. Although, no one else knew about that yet. Instinctively, with one hand on the wheel, she rummaged through her purse for a cigarette.


d.challener roe said...

Nice job, and welcome to FF.

Just to be clear, 5 minutes is more of a suggested minimum than a time limit....we don't want to add pressure to the whole thing.

bluesugarpoet said...


lol - that is good to know about the 5 min. "limit".

~willow~ said...

i like how much is *not* said in this piece, leaving the reader wondering what it is that had brought her to Flatonia in the first place, wondering about the circumstances behind the pregnancy and why she's leaving. I'd love to read more of this :-)

pjd said...

Hey! You, too!

We didn't get to that particular stretch of I-10 on our trip, but can it really be any different from any other stretch between Albuquerque and Los Angeles?

Nicely written. I love the twist at the end, though it's vague. At first I read it that she was pregnant, and the double twist on reaching for the cigarette caught me off guard. Now I'm wondering if she killed someone, or maybe kidnapped someone. Probably not kidnapped since it's a jeep and the top is down.

Anyway, I liked it. How come you didn't tell me you were playing today? I did mine, too.

Anonymous said...

I saw a pregnancy in this, too...but then I started thinking about her heading into this town; maybe to take two people out. Somehow I have a feeling that it is a pregnancy, though??

I love your interesting use of the prompt. Very original.

bluesugarpoet said...

PJ - I didn't know I would be joining in when I woke up this morning, but I thought it was about time that I get to the job of writing. :) And I thought that if you were doing it, it must be a great thing. Good use of positive peer pressure.

Astute readers, I can already tell that I will like writing with you all. Not because you are so generous, but because you are specific. I like reading each observation, and you were wondering everything that I hoped a reader might wonder.

Willow - yes, you make me smile because you noticed that it was purposefully vague!

When I first wrote the line regarding "two," I did mean that the main character was pregnant...BUT, I thought that it would be interesting see how that developed. Maybe she did kill someone. Maybe it was an accident, and maybe it wasn't. Lot's of possibilities...

Anyway, thanks for indulging me. I'm happy to be along for the ride.

lissa said...

Interesting story. I like the way you describe things which fills the story with a nice mood.

pjd said...

So one unrelated question... how come you & CLD have started referring to me as "PJ" instead of "PJD" (or better, "pjd" which I prefer)?

Since I was little, I've abhorred the moniker "PJ" because of Family Circus.

If a Deejay spins music on the radio and a Veejay shows videos on MTV, does a Peejay direct you to the proper urinal or something?

Ch@ndy said...

pjd - who is CLD??

bluesugarpoet said...

"If we shadows have offended,
Think but this,--and all is mended,--
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend;
If you pardon, we will mend."

so sorry pjd - that mistake will not be made again. :)

But as far as clA is concered, well, you have some 'splainin to

Mimi said...

I get everywhere late. but it's nice to see you.

pjd said...


Someone took over my account when I wasn't looking and typed CLD. What does the "D" stand for? Well, I'll let you noodle that out yourself. Could be lots of things, couldn't it?