Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Fun with Phone Solicitation

A guy called from “Fidelity Such and Such Financial Services,” and his intent was to offer me a lower rate for our mortgage. I pulled a “Chandy” on him. Our conversation went something like this:

“Hello, Mrs. So and So. I’m Alex from “Fidelity yadda yadda.” I think we’ve spoken before?

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Oh yes, I think we’ve spoke before.”

PAUSE – and then I went in for the kill…

“Oh YEAH – HI ALEX! How have you been doing?

Caught off guard, he chuckled, “Great. Now Mrs. So and So, what rate are you currently paying for your mortgage?”

“Oh, you know, Alex! The same rate I had the last time we talked!”

“Pardon?”

“I said I have the same rate as the last time we talked! It hasn’t changed.”

“Oh, uh…I don’t remember what that…Uh, Mrs. So and So… [Insert “uneasy” chuckle here] what I meant to say was that we might have talked before. I don’t really know if we’ve talked before, so I don’t know what that rate is…”

“Oh, so you are saying that we haven’t talked before?”

“Yes, I don’t think we’ve talked before. [More uneasy laughter] Mrs. So and So, can you tell me what your current mortgage rate is?”

“One percent fixed for the life of the loan. Can you beat that?”

“Now, c’mon Mrs. So and So, let’s be serious here. [More laughter] Is that what you are paying?”

“I’m not lying,” I lied, “One percent fixed for the life of the loan. Can you beat that?”

“No, Mrs. So and So, I can’t beat that; you should stick with that rate. It’s a good one.” [Insert “slightly annoyed” chuckle here] “So you wouldn’t happen to have any other debts…any car loans or high interest credit cards?”

“No,” I lied.

“No credit cards? No loans?”

“No.”

“Mrs. So and So, have you considered going on a vacation? How about a vacation?”

“No, I don’t want to go on a vacation.”

“You don’t want to go on a vacation?! Why wouldn’t you want to go on a vacation???”

“Well, I have too much to do here.”

“Mrs. So and So, I’m afraid I don’t have anything to offer you today.”

“That’s fine. I’ll talk to you again real soon!”

1 comment:

Ch@ndy said...

Love it. Stuff like that gets them to put you on their "do not call" list. I have a new one I am cooking up. I will share it the next time I get to spring it on someone.