Tuesday, August 23, 2005

The Insult

The Insult

Last week a much younger gal dropped by my house to pick up some baby clothes I had packed up to give away. Yes, FOUR is enough, thank you Dick Van Patten. Barely a twenty year old with an infant son and one on the way, this gal and I have known each other since she was about nine. We aren’t really friends, but we are more than acquaintances. The mom-kid has always been a little strange. Okay, a lot strange. At least she lacks some of the more important social skills anyway.

So she drops by my house to pick up some baby clothes I had boxed up for her, and over the course of the half-hour she was here, she managed to insult my boobs.

I won’t tell you all that she said word for word, but it was something to the effect of, “I can’t believe you’ve nursed four kids with the size of your boobs.”

At first, I thought she was giving me a complement, but as she was tactlessly trying to back out of the pile she seemed to step into, I realized it was not a compliment.

I’m no member of the “Itty bitty committee” people; I’m still a respectable 34 C. Remember when boobs that size used to be the “average” size? Well I guess with all this super-sizing in America, a 34 C is now small.

Of course her boobs are naturally larger than mine, but she is almost five months pregnant.

Anyway, who complements boobs? Better yet, who insults them?

Talk about my boobs behind my back all you want, friends, but do not dis the girls in front of my face.

Think about it, guys. What if in the locker room after toweling off, one of your guy friends turns to you and says, “With a penis that big, it’s a wonder you have any kids.”

Sure, at first it seems like a compliment, but then you get to thinking…

It would be enough to make you obsess a little, wouldn’t it? Next thing you know, you are Googling “Average Penis Size” just to be sure you fall within acceptable size limits. Bonus if you find that you are slightly above average.

But a guy would never say that. He instinctively knows that some topics of conversation are just OFF LIMITS. Guys know to compare in silence or to just live in a fantasy world where the average penis size is three to five inches tops.

Someday I may get that “lift” job to rein the girls in, but even then, just keep your comments to yourselves.

And no, you can’t see them to get an idea of what we are talking about here.

4 comments:

Mimi said...

But the average penis size is 3.5 inches (flaccid) and 5.1 inches (erect) by my googling. lol.

I have no interest in googling average breast size.

Selene said...

I did a little googling myself...

The Definitive Penis Size

This is rather interesting. According to this site the...
Average resting Johnson is 3.4"
Average Johnson standing at attention is 6.4"

Miracle Max said...

I've heard more than one man, when referring to breasts, say, "More than a mouthful is wasted." I don't believe I've EVER heard a woman say the same thing about a man's equipment.

bluesugarpoet said...

Believe it or not, I’ve had many a conversation regarding the size of a man’s equipment – much to the chagrin of Poetroad. When he overhears this conversation (almost always with Selene via the telephone), he is literally cringing. I tell him, “Don’t worry dear, you are above average.” He says, “I don’t care. Do you have any idea what overhearing that conversation does to a man? You might as well tell a woman she is fat and ugly! It’s the same thing – women care about body image and men care about size.”