Saturday, August 27, 2005

Speaking of bad gift giving...

A good friend of mine is married to a wonderful guy who is a terrible gift giver. He’s getting better at it, but when a person is scraping the bottom, any improvement at all is a move in the right direction and therefore is “better.”

On their first Christmas as a married couple, there is just no good excuse for “Ron” other than the guy is completely clueless when it comes to knowing what women want. “Mandy” told me that she was dropping hints like crazy regarding what she would really like for Christmas. She showed Ron ads, and when they went out shopping together, she took him to possible gifts and said, “Ron, I would really like this for Christmas,” etc., etc.

Basically, she held up her end of the bargain as far as laying out the entire gift giving options for him.

So when Christmas morning rolled around, Mandy was really excited about the opportunity to share this special day with her husband of one month. She was even more excited to give Ron his gift, and she was just as excited at whatever surprise he might have in store for her. She knew that she would love whatever she got because it would be from her beloved.

Not able to wait, she gave Ron her gift to him first – a new wake board (one of his favorite sports).

Then Ron gave Mandy his gift to her. It was a smaller rectangular package. “Could it be jewelry?” she almost thought out loud. Jewelry would be a perfect gift for a young bride! Not able to hold back her anticipation any longer, Mandy tore into the gift leaving shreds of paper in her wake.

And to her horror, she tore off the wrapping to find that she was holding a big, white ostrich sized plastic egg in her hands – the kind that those clever marketers use to package pantyhose. Pantyhose? Pantyhose?! “He did not just give me pantyhose for Christmas,” she thought.

But when she opened the egg in all it’s glory, out popped a tight wad of securely rolled leg-ware. It was pantyhose. Mandy wept.

She didn’t love his gift.

And it was the only gift that Ron had bought Mandy for Christmas that year. Apparently he overheard her say to herself that she needed to get a new pair of pantyhose one day after a long day of waitressing.

You’ll be glad to know that Ron has improved since then in the gift-giving department. Mandy got jewelry and a leather coat last Christmas. And Ron now knows to leave all pantyhose purchasing to his wife.


Selene said...

Who the hell are Ron and Mandy?? That is too damn funny. Ok...on my 2nd Mother's Day. My (then future) ex overheard a conversation between my mother and my sister in law about what their husbands did for them. They turned to me and said: What did Stan for you? They were thinking it would be nice for him to hear me bragging about him, while he was there. However, all I could do was smile and say: Well the day's not over yet.

He walked past and retorted with: You're not my mother.

Guess what I got...

Yep. Nothin'.

bluesugarpoet said...

"Ron" used to work with my husband...not to be confused with "Ron" whose wife works with my husband - she being the gal who keeps getting caught staring at Poetroad's package.

Oh, I didn't tell you about that?

Another very frightening yet true story to come...

bluesugarpoet said...

Oh, and for the record, Stan is an ass.