Friday, September 23, 2005

Girlie Picks

Not to be undone or outdone by any of the Manscapers over at the Wheelhouse, here are my picks as promised (I don’t know what that means exactly, but it seems to be the appropriate amount of Mantalk that should precede one of these things):

Atlanta (+3) @ Buffalo - Falcons I know what a falcon is and I know what a buffalo is, but what’s a “Bill”? What is that? Were they last in line when mascots were handed out on the day?

Carolina (-3.5) @ Miami - Panthers Panthers are cool, sleek, and sexy. Dolphins are the sea mammals on crack; they’re jumpy and they make funny noises. Plus, if dolphins are so smart, then why are they always getting caught in tuna nets?

Cincinnati (-3) @ Chicago - Bears First off, I’m not a fan of the orange uniform. I don’t personally look good in that color. Though I’m a fan of the original WKRP (Johnny Fever ROCKS; gotta love the Herb), is there anything else to like about Cinci?

Dallas (-6.5) @ San Francisco - 49ers I have nothing against Cowboys in general (I’ve dated my share), but if diamonds are a girls best friend, someone’s got to foot the bill. I’m going with the gold miners over the rootin’ tootin’ crowd.

Cleveland (+13.5) @ Indianapolis - Colts Again, I’m not a fan of the orange – even if it is a darker, poopier shade of orange. And “Browns” just sounds like a team that Sanitation workers from around the world could really get behind. Also, I’ve always loved horses, especially baby horses.

New Orleans (+3.5) @ Minnesota - Saints Although I’m betraying my own Nordic heritage, I have to go with the team that’s currently homeless. In the face of Katrina and now Rita, I’m sure the boys are tired of being senselessly beaten by a bunch of women.

Jacksonville (+3) @ NY Jets - Jags Even though I’ve seen West Side Story a hundred or more times (“When you’re a Jet…”), I’m going for the team that also has a sleek, sexy and fast mascot that can take me for a ride to the supermarket in style.

Oakland (+7.5) @ Philadelphia - Eagles People, haven’t we had enough of the looting in the aftermath of Katrina? Enough of the Raiding! Let’s fly.

New England (+3) @ Pittsburgh - Patriots Same thing here – I’m tired of all the Steeling! Let’s get behind the men and women who have done so much to make this country free for God fearing folks who may occasionally marry a cousin or two.

NY Giants (+5.5) @San Diego - Chargers I love eating the corn nibblets and sundry vegetables that Mr. Jolly Green farms, but the girls at EM love to shop more than they love to eat. Charging it takes my vote hands down.

Arizona (+6.5) @ Seattle - Seahawks Seahawks are big, goofy birds. Cardinals are little red birds. Seems like a Cardinal just would be an easy target for that much bigger bird. Since when do Cardinals live in Arizona? I’ve got to consult my Western Birds handbook on this one.

Tennessee (+6.5) @ St. Louis - Rams I’m going for the tough and cool animal that’s not afraid to but heads with the enemy.

Tampa Bay (-3.5) @ Green Bay - Buccaneers Wrap my cheese, slice my cheese, put my cheese in a pressurized can, but don’t Pack my cheese please. Besides, I really liked Orlando Bloom in Pirates of the Caribbean – he’s hot. So in honor of my fantasy man, Orlando, I’m going for the Buccaneers.

Kansas City (+3) @ Denver - Broncos There is no other choice when the Broncos are playing – my husband told me so. He’s the slightly sober guy sporting the orange and blue face, a big “B” on his bare belly, and whipping a tee over his head while he does something akin to the hula. And folks, that’s just the pre-game prep. Die-hard doesn’t even begin to describe his fanaticism over the team.

1 comment:

Gracie said...

we think alike and yet so differently...

i did not know PR was such a denver nut