The Rehersal

A good friend of the family is getting married today, and one of the little poets will be a flower girl. I say “a” because there will actually be seven – that’s right, seven – flower girls in this wedding. The girls, who range in age from eight to one, will be dressed up like little fairies, wings and all, and will prance up the aisle barefooted. It will be a sight to see! And since the wedding will begin at 7:00 PM, let’s hope that all of the little fairies cooperate in spite of how tired they may feel.

Truth be told, I am more concerned as to whether or not the six bridesmaids will behave. If last night at the rehearsal is any indication as to how things might go tonight, I’m bracing myself for disaster.

This is a wedding of youngish people (early twenties) who are all pretty and self-absorbed. I find that ironic that the bride would choose such a set. She is pretty – she is down right gorgeous, but she is neither bratty nor self-absorbed.

Back to the rehearsal dinner/rehearsal…it was at a friend’s house; the actual wedding, though, will take place out doors about forty minutes from here. My clan was invited to this shindig since my little fairy needed to practice her entrance and exit. Mistake one on my part, I took all four of my kids to this thing by myself. Poetroad was at a conference thingy last night.

The night began to unravel almost immediately. Although it was a big house, there were many, many people and many, many children crammed in there. At one point I heard the host blurt out, “This place isn’t baby proof ya know!” Nice.

Slated to begin at 6:30, there didn’t seem to be any movement towards eating or practicing the wedding half an hour later. At around 7:15, my kids were getting hungry and tired. So were the other six kids that were there.

Mistake two on my part, I only brought a handful of animal crackers as a snack. Those didn’t go very far. When the bride asked the person doing the food (family of the groom) for some snacks for the kids, the food lady declined. Not one little chip could be spared for the cause. I took three-fourths of the kids outside to distract them from their hunger pangs. We struck gold – blackberries. I spent about twenty minutes foraging for berries and doling them out one by one to the hungry fairies and to the rest of my clan. After I picked all that I could reach, we headed back in.

At 7:40, still nothing was happening inside. Well there were a lot of hungry, cranky, complaining adults milling around, but nothing organized was happening. I began making plans to take my kids to get something to eat and return later so my daughter could practice. The wedding coordinator finally decided, however, that we should get going on the rehearsal – dinner wouldn’t be ready until another half-hour after the rehearsal was finished, I was informed.

What was the hold up, you wonder? Several of the bridesmaids weren’t there yet. They didn’t show up until almost 8:00. I don’t know what was taking the bridesmaids so long, but I don’t think that holding up a wedding rehearsal for an hour and a half is a good idea. If you are in the wedding party and plan on showing up that late, there better be tales of ghastly car wrecks, broken limbs, and stitches to show. I didn’t notice any of that when the holdouts sauntered in looking all pretty.

Luckily, not long after the rehearsal portion of the evening we were allowed to dip into the taco buffet. I made sure my kids were fed, and then I scooted out of there as my one-year-old was fading fast. There is something about a screaming infant that people don’t like no matter how late at night it is.

I live five minutes away from where the rehearsal was held, and by the time I got home and got the kids in bed, it was 9:30ish. I know, I know…for the twentysomething crowd, you are just getting started. This is way past the witching hour for kids. Believe me childless people, there is a window of opportunity to get your kids in bed, and if you can’t make it happen before the window closes, it’s not pretty folks. When little ones get very, very tired, you would think that they would magically lie down and fall asleep as you tip toe out of the room.

Wake up people! This is not freakin’ la la land!

Keeping kids up late actually has the reverse effect. They get more wound up. Pretty soon everyone is screaming and crying and jumping on the beds and falling out of bed – parents included.

Luckily, my kids fell asleep almost instantly. Just in time for me to pursue some serious drinking.

Mistake number three on my part, I didn’t have anything spiked enough around here to take me to the drunken state where I wanted to be after enduring that rehearsal. We are mostly an alcohol free zone here. I had snagged some hard lemonade yesterday, though, that my older brother stashed at my parents house (don’t ask why; it’s a longer and more boring story than this…in fact, why are you still reading this?!). The hard lemonade sufficed, but even on an empty stomach, I could not physically consume it quickly enough to do the job.

By 10:00 PM, I was on my third bottle before I even felt a little tingle in my brain. Darn it, I’m not even good at getting drunk. Of course it wasn’t the effort that was flawed; it was the execution of the plan that had problems.

Hopefully the wedding will be better than the rehearsal. I have it on my list to snag some real spirits while I’m out of town.